"Kya tere ghar mein roz South Indian khana banta hai?!"

"Kya tere ghar mein roz South Indian khana banta hai?!"

There are just 2 odd things in the line above - the question mark and the exclamation mark :-)

There are multiple ways to respond to this:

- "Kya tere ghar mein roz North Indian banta hai?"

- "Tujhe kya lagta hai?"

- or a very indifferent "Haan"

The response may be anything - but the question definitely irks you, especially if you've been an ethnic Tamil, living in a Tamil household, proud of most things that are Tamil, all your life.

Just for the record:

• Strange as it might sound, South Indian cuisine is not something that South Indians have once in a while at a Udipi restaurant, just as the Chinese dont come to India and then go to Mainland China if they feel like having Chinese food.
• South Indian cuisine is not limited to Idli-Dosa-vada-sambhar. There is no single South Indian cuisine. However, as a genre, it is one of the most evolved and variegated cuisines to be found anywhere with its evolution and diversity arising out of household kitchen innovation over the years and not out of modern day chefs trying to build a menu. The one place I will strongly recommend for even understanding what is South Indian cuisine is Malgudi at Hyderabad.

Btw, here are a few other voluptuously appealing questions:

1. What do you speak at home - Hindi, English or South Indian ? ....Duh

2. Arre yaar, yeh mujhe Bangalore mein kisi se baat karna hai. Tu baat kar le...Tujhe woh zyada acchi tarike se samjha dega.? ....Wish people at least read something on the Cauvery dispute!!

Why only talk of incidents that have happened around me. The other day I saw Shahrukh Khan on TV asking Sreesanth if he spoke "Malayali".

Its not because I'm a tam that all this irks me. (to be honest, actually the incremental delta irk is caused because I'm a tam.) I hate it when people and educated people at that and on top that those who are educated Indian people do this. We are not talking of ignorance about some miniscule tribes on some far-off islands. We are talking of 4 different, yet very very old civilisations with a lot to cherish in History.

- We are talking of a culture that a 1000 years ago either militariliy or culturally conquered what is present day Malaysia*, present day Indonesia, present day Cambodia and present day Singapore.

- We are talking about a culture which 2 mileniums ago accorded what would probably have been present day's equivalent of MFN (Most Favoured Nation) status to the Roman empire.

- We are talking about another culture who's trans-himalayan technology transfer of martial know-how has resulted in all those kung-fu karate moves 2 milleniums later.

We are talking about yet another culture which built a city called as Hampi 500 years back, whose immense expanse will bring a modern day London to shame.

And most importantly I have only talked about the historical achievements. Let us not even get into the modern day - with per capita income, literacy levels, healthcare indexes, crime levels, degree of spirituality and their ilk.

Ok, before I'm made to look like a xenophobic chest thumping member of some forlorn South Indian version of the Ku Klux Klan, let me at once affirm that it is not my intention (in letter and in spirit) to portray any sense of cultural superiority. All I'm trying to portray is the immense level of insensitive blabering that I see around me.

By sensitivity I do not refer to any caricaturing. I can face caricaturing, with a sense of humour, a sense of equanimity or a sense of assertiveness depending upon the situation. By sensitivity I refer to the ignorance. The ignorance of not even knowing that there are four very different states with their own cultures, languages, cuisines, and their own very different ideas on how river waters should shared. It is not a land of 20 crore Madrasis!!

Now, lets add this to my list of what I'm not trying to say --> I'm not even trying to say that all this is happening to only to us poor South Indians.

I have spent around 10-12 years in Assam. It hurts me as much when people are surprised to know that Assam is not a hilly state. That the Assamese language is as much a derivative of Sanskrit, as say Punjabi or Gujarati is. It hurts me when I see that people can go gaga over the bravery of Shivaji / 1857 brigade / Prithviraj Chauhan, but not more than 1 in 100 people who are reading this blog would have ever heard of Lachit Borphukan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lachit_Borphukan just in case anyone cared - pls do read this account that I have been itching to term as the Ram-Lachit Manas)

Looks like I've spent reams trying to explain what I'm not trying to explain. Now let me expend a few more of this most expendable digital ream to explain what I'm trying to explain....Here goes :-)....

Ok, here is what hurts me. When I see India, I see a lot of regions. Each region sees a vibrant kaleidoscope in itself. However each region sees every other region as a solid chart paper of a single color...and that hurts me because as long as this happens the experiment called India will remain a disputed experiment, never to become an undisputed achievement.

If all this still doesn't make sense, hope the reader at least takes away the following -

This is India -->

This is not India -->

* Note: (Malaysia is a country and Malayalam is a language spoken some 4500 km away, in case anyone reading this was inquisitive)